# Sunday, 21 January 2007

Teachings of the Jewish Buddhists

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life:
With the first sip, joy.
With the second sip, satisfaction.
With the third sip, peace.
With the fourth, a danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. - Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems.....What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy!

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals......You might want to see a specialist!...

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbour as yourself."
The Buddha says, "There is no self."
So, maybe we're off the hook.

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# Tuesday, 09 January 2007

It was 20 years ago today...

Actually, it was more like 25, and no-one can remember any anniversaries, but who cares? On the 30th December 06, a (fairly) grand reunion took place of my teenage friends (ie friends from when I was a teenager, not my current friends who happen to be teenagers, but then of course you knew that all along didn't you?). I say it was fairly grand, as it would have been even more grand had a few more people managed to make it, and had we been able to trace a few more!

Anyway, a good time was had by all, and there were lot's of "Ooh, do you remember when..." and "So what are you doing now?" not to mention the inevitable "I bet you wish I had lost this photo!!" For some odd reason, I seemed to feature in a disproportionately large number of photos, mostly highly embarassing :-D

Anyway, here is a group photo from the evening...

In case you can't work out who these people all are, here is a clue. At the front is Andrew Cohen, formerly known as, erm, Andrew Cohen! Behind him, sitting sedately on the chairs are (L-R) Simon Myerson, yours truly, Nick Myserson, Jeff Flowers and Jonny Straight. Standing behind us are (L-R) Kate Pearlman, Mink Flowers, Mandy Bergin (Homberg), Karen Usher, Debbie Hougie (Pearlman), Carolyn Saffer (Ross), Benita (also known as Bean as I remember) Dapin (Gould), Louise Sherman (Caplan, friend of Carolyn) and Jeff's wife, whose name I never found out (oops).

If you want to see the wrinkles in their full glory, click on the picture above and you'll be treated to a full-sized (2529x1944 pixels, 361Kb) version of it. This is suitable for printing, assuming you consider the subject suitable for printing of course!

Anyway, I intend to make a separate web page for the reunion, and sent out an e-mail to all those who were there asking for a brief update on where/who/why they are nowadays. As only two people have replied, I haven't done the page yet. Come on the rest of you!!

I look forward to the next reunion in another 25 years time. Ooh-err, I'll be drawing a pension by then!

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Simcha's a crawler!

After weeks of trying and almost succeeding, Simcha finally learnt how to crawl on Shabbos morning. She's no Speedy Gonzales, but she has worked out how to get around.

Now nothing is safe! I have to make the house child-proof again. It's amazing how relaxed you become after three years.

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# Monday, 01 January 2007

There were three in the bed

The boys went to a siyum last night. This meant that they got home very late, and by the time we finally managed to stop them chattering and turn the light out, it was 11:40pm. We had all just managed to fall asleep when... crash bang, the world exploded. We had forgotten that there is some curious obsession with marking the change of year with fireworks. Not just one or two, but loads and loads of them.

This is probably fine if you are awake, and even outside to see them, but if you are all exhausted and asleep, this is not so fine. Thankfully, we didn't have too many children wake up. Eliyohu HATES fireworks, and so would have been awful after a very late night and only 20 minutes sleep. The two little ones also slept through, but Shayna Brocho woke up and came in looking for comfort.

To cut a long story short, she ended up sleeping next to me for the rest of the night. It's amazing how much space one small person can take up! I didn't get much sleep, although she did.

Some people have this every night. I suppose I should count myself fortunate that this is only the second time in 13 and a half years I've spent the night with one of the children in my bed. The last time was when the Mrs burnt herself very badly and had to spend the night in hospital. Nechoma Bryna was about 18 months old, and managed to fill a king sized bed, leaving me without any space to sleep! Looks like her sister has inheritied that skill.

Ho hum and yawn. I got a great cuddle though :-)

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# Wednesday, 27 December 2006

Simcha almost crawled today

Simcha (9 months now) has been on the verge of crawling for some weeks now, but never quite seems to take the final plunge. She got quite close today, and took what could almost be described as two steps (if that's the right word to use for crawling) before one of her sisters squealed in delight and picked her up to give her a big hug!

More bulletins as events warrant. Although she isn't crawling in this picture, it's cute anyway...

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# Sunday, 17 December 2006

Wise words about wisdom

Neither of these are particularly new, but both are quite cute...

"Better to remain silent and appear a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt."

"Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

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# Thursday, 14 December 2006

How to waste hours and hours...

Just came across http://www.howstuffworks.com/, which is one of the most fascinating and compulsive sites I've seen in a while. Be warned, once you go there, you won't come back for a while!

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# Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Mohammed Sent Back To Earth To Apologise. Reads Post-It From God

The other day, we got a welcome call from a guy who claimed to be Mohammed. He said God sent him back to the earth with a Post-It note, and he wanted to come over and read it to us, so we could get it out over the Internet.

We were sure he was a kook, so, being securely sane, we invited him over.

Later, we got a call from the lobby, telling us there was a guy down there in a long white gown who identified himself as Mohammed but didn't have a photo ID.

"Sure, send him up," we told the guard.

Soon, there was a knock on the door. We opened it and, sure enough, there stood a man who looked just the way you'd expect a Seventh Century Bedouin like to look in clean clothes.

He raised his hand, and said, "Hi. I'm Mohammed. God sent me with a Post-It."

"Great," we replied. "Please, come in."

"Thanks."

We closed the door behind him and motioned toward the conference room.

As we went, I said, "Like something to drink?"

"Got some cold water?"

"Sure," I replied, and motioned for one of the secretaries to get it for him.

"Thanks," Mohammed said.

We went into the conference room and sat down.

He put his feet up on the seat next to him and sighed.

"Long walk?" I asked.

"Worse than that," he said, and slipped off his sandals. "See. Blisters."

"Ouch," I exclaimed. "How'd you get those?"

"The Post-It will explain everything," he replied.

Just then the secretary came in with a bottle of spring water.

"Here, Mohammed," she said.

"Thanks," he told her, and flipped her a wink. Then he opened it and, pouring it on his feet, said, "Excuse me. But I can't help it."

"That bad, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah. Sorry about the carpet."

"Don't worry, it's only water. Tell us more about why you're here."

"God is mad at me."

"So are a lot of people."

"I know, I know. But you have to understand. I've been dead a long time. I can't be responsible for what's going on now."

"You did write the book some culprets use as a pretense to kill people, even other Muslims."

"I know, I know. God points that out to me all the time. That's why I'm here. I'm sorry if anything I said is being used to kill people. It's an unintentional side-effect of my enthusiam."

Then he lifted his turban and peeled off a yellow Post-It from the inside. "I have a note from God. It will explain everything. "

"Really?"

"Yes. He told me to read it to you, so you can get it out over the Internet."

"Why did he pick us? We're a humor magazine."

"I told him that. He said since hardly anybody listens to Him when He's serious, He wants to try being funny."

"We know how that is. Mind if we record your reading?"

"Just type, OK? When I'm gone, I'm gone. No leave-behinds."

"OK," I said.

One of the staffers slid me a laptop.

"Go ahead," I told him.

"Hi, it's Mohammed again, with another message from Allah. And I quote:

'Greetings from God. I'm so upset I can't tell you. I told Mohammed to write the third book. The way things are going, I may even have to commission a fourth and fifth book. I can't seem to get my main point across.

'In the first book, I said, "Don't kill anybody." Did it make a difference? Not much.

'In the second book, I went further, and said, "Love your neighbor." It still didn't do nearly as well as I had hoped.

'So I commissioned Mohammed to give my message one more shot. And what happens? He gets carried away and says anybody who doesn't believe in his book is an infidel and should be killed. Stop it already! I never told him to say that, and he knows it.

'Not only that, every time somebody uses the Koran as an excuse to kill anybody, I make him walk on hot coals for five minutes. Notice his blisters. Have mercy on the guy, will ya?

'Also, wait for the fourth book. The main message I'm going to try is, "Not only don't kill anybody and love your neighbor, but love life, because that's what I made. So take good care of it and maybe, just maybe, I'll take good care of you. But, most of all, stop all the killing. Got it, dummy?"'

"Anything else?" I asked.

"No, that's it," he said, pouring the last of the water on his feet. "I only hope it works. My feet are killing me."

Then he slipped on his sandals, smiled as much as his tootsies would allow, and vanished.


(Found at http://www.goarticles.com/cgi-bin/showa.cgi?C=346602)
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# Tuesday, 21 November 2006

Gary's weather forecasting service

Why bother with complicated analysis of the atmosphere? The old methods still work the best...

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