# Wednesday, 08 July 2009

Elmer J. Fudd runs Google?

I was just doing some research for a new job, and I noticed that on the main Google page there is a discrete link named “language tools.” As I was researching international versions of web sites in multiple languages, I clicked this to see what it was about.

I was not very surprised to see that the main feature of this page was to allow you to choose the language used when you use Google. I was a little surprised at the wide selection of languages, but assumed that this was due to the international nature of the web.

Looking a little closer, I noticed that one of the language choices was Elmer Fudd. For those of you who don’t remember him, Elmer J Fudd (to give him his full title) was the little bald-headed hunter who used to chase Bugs Bunny around, calling “Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits.” Well, if you click the link, all the text you see in Google is written as though EJF had spoken it! So you can set your Pwefewences, or look at their Diwectowy!

If that doesn’t appeal to you, you can choose the bork bork bork language. Again, for those who don’t remember, this was the battle cry of the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show.

Other language choices include Klingon (the evil enemies from Star Trek), Pirate (avast there ye landlubbers) and Yiddish. I know that last one isn’t a joke, but it amused me.

Brightens up an otherwise overcast day :-)

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# Tuesday, 07 July 2009

Three frogs – a surprising question

Question: Three frogs sat on a log and one decided to jump off. How many frogs were left on the log?

Answer: Three.

Explanation: Although almost everyone answers two, the correct answer is three. Why? Just because the frog decided to jump off the log does not necessarily mean that it actually did it.

Is there a gap between what you decide to do and what you actually do?

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The Fisherman

A fisherman observed a snake swimming towards his boat.

When the snake reached the boat the fisherman could see that he had a frog in his mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog he reached down and carefully removed it from the snake’s mouth and set it free.

But then, feeling sorry for the snake he looked around to see what he could give him. He found a bottle of whisky, poured a capful and gave it to the snake.

The snake then swam away.

The fisherman was feeling content with his good deeds, when about ten minutes later he heard a knocking at the side of the boat.

When he looked over the side he saw the snake had returned… this time with two frogs in his mouth!

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# Wednesday, 01 July 2009

EEC regulations are bananas!

Apparently, there are now EEC regulations governing the bend of a banana! It’s true, and you can read them for yourself, if you can be bothered wading through all the big words! They were drawn up by the (wait for it…) Management Committee for Bananas, and include such gems as “The thickness of a transverse section of the  fruit between the lateral faces and the middle perpendicular to the  longitudinal axis, must be a minimum of 27mm” amongst others!

I’m so glad our money is being well spent!

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# Monday, 22 June 2009

Atheist day

I have no idea if this really is true or not, but it’s cute enough to be worth reading even if it’s totally made up!

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honour, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Xmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Chanukka, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

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# Sunday, 21 June 2009
# Tuesday, 09 June 2009

Simcha and Chaya Devoira

The physiotherapist came today, and she was very pleased with Chaya Devoira’s progress. During the session, she managed to persuade Chaya Devoira to sit up all on her own! This was the very first time she has ever done this.

Unfortunately, by the time I came in the room and saw what was going on, Chaya Devoira was getting a little tired, and was distracted by the camera, so I didn’t catch her first ever sitting.

The therapist also encouraged her to kneel up and lean on the edge of the play nest, which resulted in this…

Chaya Devoira

Simcha, not wishing to be left out, came over to give Chaya Devoira a hug, causing Chaya Devoira to flop backwards! Still, it made a cute picture…

Simcha and Chaya Devoira

Chaya Devoira has learnt how to play with her feet, which apparently is an important developmental stage. I get told off for things like that, but I guess that’s the difference between being eight and a half months and being six and a half years old (which is what Shayna Brocho reckons I am!).

Simcha is now outside on her trike, learning to use the “puddles” as she calls them. Instead of sitting on the trike and walking along, she can now puddle!

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# Monday, 18 May 2009

The origins of man (and woman)

A little girl asked her mother: “How did the human race appear?”

The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?

The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

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# Thursday, 14 May 2009

Update on Chaya Devoira

Well, it’s been some time since I last blogged about Her Majesty, also known as Chaya Devoira :). This is partly due to not having as much to report as the previous few months, and partly ‘cos my computer broke and I didn’t have enough time to think about blogging whilst I was trying to fix it, putting up with a temporary one while the new one arrived, uninstalling all the rubbish that came on the new one, installing all the fab stuff I wanted, catching up with a backlog of stuff caused by the above, etc.

All of which is a poor excuse, but as it’s the best you’re going to get, you’ll have to put up with it!

The great news is that Chaya Devoira is doing really well B”H. Since the operation she has been like a different child. She eats well, and has started on solids. We had her assessed yesterday for a local Jewish special school, and they gave her a very good report. It’s obviously too early to tell properly, but the indications are that her condition is mild, which gives us a lot of hope for her.

Here’s a moderately recent picture of Chaya Devoira fast asleep, hence the dark shadows around her eyes...

Chaya Devoira

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# Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Some slightly scientific jokes

f(x) walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman said “I’m sorry sir, we don’t cater for functions.”

A neutron walked into a bar and asked how much a pint of beer would be. The barman replied “For you sir, no charge.

Two atoms were talking, and one said “Oh no, I think I lost an electron!” When asked if he was sure, he replied “I’m positive.”

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician watched two people enter a building. After a few moments, they came out again with a third person. The biologist concluded that they had multiplied. The physicist concluded that there had been an error in measurement. The mathematician concluded that if one more person entered the building, it would be empty.

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