# Wednesday, 26 August 2009

One Sunday afternoon on Dartmoor (what REALLY happened!)

For those with loads of free time on their hands, and a high boredom threshold, we present the latest Smile Gemach fab report for the Daily prune...

As usual, please click the small triangle at the bottom left of the video above to play it.

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# Tuesday, 25 August 2009

A letter to Mum

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, “Mum.” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Mum.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren .

Love, your son, Nicholas.

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk"

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home

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# Monday, 24 August 2009

Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science: (Gv)

Note: If you’ve read the Dull Men’s Club post, then this is the age-old joke that was mentioned at the beginning of it. I know it’s old, but it’s pretty good all the same. There are a few variations going around, but this one seems to be the most comprehensive.

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons...

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron's promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

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Dull Men’s Club

I was just sent a brand new, up-to-the-minute joke e-mail, and wanted to check if it was decades old as I suspected, or merely just a few years old instead. Whilst wasting more time than I have available, I came across one of the best web sites I’ve seen in a long time. The Dull Men’s Club is dedicated to all things dull and ordinary, and is well worth spending a few hours reading.

Amongst some of the prime content, is a page dedicated to dull collections and museums. This info and links for some museums that you would never have believed existed. My favourite is the (apparently) World Famous Asphalt Museum, which contains samples of asphalt from all over the world!

Even better is the amazingly useful list of airport luggage carousels, which lists loads of luggage carousels around the world and - sit down before reading this – tells you which way they rotate! I can’t believe I’ve been on this planet for so long and lived without this information!

The web was made for this kind of site!

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